Since 2022, the two national studies on wellness in the legal profession have been released. The results of the studies should not be a shock to many of us. As the second studies highlights, the stigma surrounding mental health struggles is prevalent, with over half of legal professionals believing that such issues are viewed as a sign of weakness.  

My hope is that sharing my experience with chronic illness may help reduce the stigma just a little. I know it provided me great solace to discover others in the profession struggled. It Burned Me All Down by Erin Durant is a powerful example. In the book, she shares her personal struggle with mental health and how it was exacerbated by her experience as a young lawyer in a large firm. Check out the book review on Slaw for more information.  

I was not always eager to share my own experience and am ashamed to say, even less so when at first my symptoms were explained away by medical professionals as mental illness. The road to an endometriosis diagnosis is generally a long one, averaging about eight to ten years. There is a lack of understanding about endometriosis with many doctors and the reason for this and my disappointment is for another post. However, I was told after several tests and scans that my extreme fatigue and pelvic pain had no physical cause. It was all in my head, I was likely attention seeking and should seek mental health assistance.

I did not seek further help for a considerable period of time. I did not tell my husband and certainly not my employer that I was likely mentally ill. I was terrified of what the repercussions for me would be if I admitted to suffering from a mental illness that was so severe as to cause such extreme physical pain.

I did my best to not let it show. When I could no longer hide suffering, I began documenting everything. After several months a pattern started to emerge and with extensive research I determined that endometriosis might be the cause. I found a new doctor and presented my findings. He was kind and open to my pleading that there had to be something physically wrong. A few months later, a specialist confirmed the diagnosis.

Again, I’m ashamed to admit the wave of relief that washed over me when I was given the diagnosis and learned it ‘wasn’t all in my head’. I was much more comfortable sharing information about my physical diagnosis than I ever would be if I had been diagnosed with a mental illness. Admitting this to myself was difficult as I think of myself as understanding and non-judgmental of those with mental health struggles. But faced with the potential of my own severe mental illness, I shut down.

Let’s all work on reducing the stigma surrounding mental illness. We know it’s rampant in the profession. Share your stories and form a community.