Before I more freely discussed my chronic illness, I wrote the post What Have I Done To Deserve This? that focused on the high instance of Imposter Syndrome (Phenomenon) in the legal profession. As first described by Dr. Pauline Clance in the late 1970s:

Individuals with the Impostor Phenomenon experience intense feelings that their achievements are undeserved and worry that they are likely to be exposed as a fraud.

 Lawyer Monthly reports that about 74% of lawyers, including 83% of junior lawyers, experience Imposter Syndrome. Why? The author notes:

The profession is synonymous with exceptional expectations, intolerance of mistakes and risk avoidance. Impostor syndrome is common in overachievers and perfectionists, so it’s no wonder many lawyers suffer from chronic self-doubt and feel like intellectual frauds.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, having a chronic illness exacerbated my unhealthy tendencies and forced me to face them head on. With imposter syndrome, I believe my long road to a diagnosis is the root cause. As is common with endometriosis, it took many years to receive a diagnosis after several tests and scans indicated my extreme fatigue and pelvic pain had no physical cause. I was told it was all in my head, I was likely attention seeking and should seek mental health assistance. This made be doubt myself, particularly my abilities as a lawyer.

After my diagnosis, my Imposter Syndrome expanded to include my illness. I often wonder if I’m making too big a deal of it. I still tend to minimize the pain and fatigue. I feel awkward describing it as a disability or disease. I worry that somehow I’m a fraud even when it comes to my verifiable diagnosis of a life-altering affliction.

The American Bar Association has a helpful article, Imposter Syndrome? 8 tactics to combat the anxiety, to help our profession recognize, normalize and combat this harmful syndrome. The tactics include (expanded to include tips for those with chronic illness):

• Use logic … or a time machine. Think back to other times when you feared you couldn’t do something but stayed with it and did a good job anyway. Looking back on those anxious moments that you overcame helps build your confidence. And use logic. Ask yourself how true are your thoughts that are you really a fraud?

Fight the immediate impulse to believe that you are making it all up and focus on what you achieve each day despite your chronic illness.

• Remember all the incredibly successful people who have publicly said they’ve experienced impostor syndrome. Remind yourself that the feelings they were feeling were just that, they were not impostors or frauds or people who didn’t deserve their own successes.

Seek out those brave enough to share their struggles with imposter syndrome and/or chronic illness, whether physical or mental. It Burned Me All Down by Erin Durant is a powerful example. In the book, she shares her personal struggle with mental health and how it was exacerbated by her experience as a young lawyer in a large firm. Check out the book review on Slaw for more information.

• Fake it until you make it. Tell yourself you are confident and you are smart. By telling yourself you have these qualities and acting as if you are, soon you won’t be telling yourself or acting anymore.

And do this without adding in the qualifier “for someone with chronic illness”.

• Remember three little letters: YET. Whenever you feel inadequate or intimated, add yet on the end. For example, ‘I don’t know how to take a deposition, yet.’ Doing so puts the emphasis back on your development and growth and allows you to focus on the future.
• Reduce your reactivity. Learn to pause between the stimulus and the response. You want to get to a point where you don’t dwell on a mistake but how can I avoid this and grow from it rather than immediately leaping to the worst-case scenario.

To manage my chronic illness, I stick to a rigid diet, exercise and self-care plan. However, chronic illness is unpredictable. If I experience a flare-up, I don’t jump to self-blame. Instead I ask what can I learn from this and are there any steps I can take to lessen the symptoms? If it’s beyond my control, I accept it (or at least try to).

• Build a strong support system. This includes getting professional help such as a coach. They can help you where you have excelled and assist you by providing support where you’ve fallen short.

I’ve started the group Lawyers with Chronic Illness to provide support and resources.

• Find a mentor. Mentors can serve as reality checks and share how they overcame their own insecurities.

See above.

• Remind yourself of your achievements. Keep complimentary letters, emails or awards. Keeping notes on achievements will give you a reference next time you feel those inadequacies cropping up.

Chronic illness can erode the trust you have in yourself, your relationships and your abilities. Learn to regain that trust to overcome the self-doubt.