In my post, Good Enough: Striving for Excellence Not Perfection, I shared a story about folding towels. As I explained, my husband and I fold towels differently and I viewed his method as inferior to my ‘superior’ method. My solution was to take over the task of laundry completely for the last twenty years.  Who knew that the simple task of folding towels would become a metaphor for my entire perfectionist mindset?

Like many lawyers, I have perfectionist tendencies. I place exceptionally high standards on myself, I often take over duties because I don’t believe others will do it correctly, and I then feel resentful that I take on too much and no one helps me. These are tell-tale perfectionist tendencies. Overtime these tendencies have harmed my well-being and my professional and personal relationships.

These perfectionist tendencies explain why lawyers have a difficult time with delegation. No one can possibly do the work as well as we can, right? We are trained to be meticulous and detailed-oriented. Our professional responsibility also dictates that we are personally accountable for the work of those who work under us, whether it is an articling student or assistant.

As I identified in my post, Toxic: Redefining Stresslaxing as Toxic Productivity,  a chronic illness can exacerbate unhealthy tendencies. The Psychology Today article, Perfectionism and Chronic Illness, states that research shows that perfectionism is associated with maladaptive adjustment to chronic illness due to:

• Loss of control: Perfectionists structure their lives to avoid losing control. Chronic illness often controls your daily life. It is unpredictable and derails plans. Rather than accept circumstances that are beyond our control, the perfectionist blames themselves for not producing at the level they believe they should.
• Self-concealment: Perfectionists need to be seen as perfect. Often too much energy is spent maintaining the façade that everything is fine when in reality everything is falling apart. This results in them not seeking the support they need.
• Daily reminders of imperfection: Chronic illness means living in limbo.  It is constant trial and error – some treatment may work, some may not and it’s difficult to figure out why. Some treatments may work for a while and then stop working. The perfectionist, especially a lawyer perfectionist, is accustomed to getting a problem and logically figuring out the solution. Chronic illness doesn’t work that way, and it may lead to feelings of self-blame. Why can’t I just figure this out!?!

The article includes helpful tips to deal with perfectionist tendencies, such as:

• Cultivate self-compassion as an antidote to perfectionism – see also my post Going to Graceland: A Day Late and a Dollar Short
• Challenge all-or-nothing thing and embrace the concept of ‘good enough’ – see also my post Good Enough: Striving for Excellence Not Perfection
• Look for opportunities to make mistakes
• Embrace your imperfect body

I add delegation to this list. Share the load and take some of that time back to invest in your well-being. Easier said than done for many of us but try baby steps. Put in the effort to find one activity at home or work that someone else can do and ask for help. As I noted in my post, You’re My Best Friend: Making Yourself ‘The’ Priority, two main tips are:

1. Be honest with yourself about what needs to be done. Ask is there a firm deadline or have I created a self-imposed deadline? Will there be serious repercussions if it sits a day, a week or even longer? Like I mentioned above, when evaluating my to do list, I found many of the tasks could be deferred.
2. Evaluate what ‘needs’ to be done by you. Can some tasks be done by others? Again, when I honestly evaluated my to do list, I realized some might be better suited for two recent hires. So I asked for help. Believe me, that is still a hard one. If you also struggle with asking for help, the article Why Lawyers Fear Asking for Help by Bena Stock is a useful read.

Back to folding towels. Last month I asked my husband and nearly 15-year-old son to start doing their own laundry. They agreed without fuss and have been doing it ever since. Are the results up to my standards? No and I wince watching my son haphazardly fold his clothes and shove them into his drawers (but mostly just dumped on the floor). But it is done and he seems satisfied with the wrinkly results. So be it. I have a bit of extra time for me.

Ask for a little help from your friends (family, and co-workers). Each little ask will chip away at those perfectionist tendencies  and hopefully improve your health.